|
'Have another drink. Enjoy yourself.' 'Which? The two are mutually exclusive.' |
|
Saturday, January 05, 2008
I WENT TO.. PARIS DIJON GENEVA TORINO MILANO SWITZERLAND CANNES MONACO i hope i got them all!=) will mention the trip next time! * It is the first weekend from the re-opening of school. Weekends are like holidays, only shorter. In the holidays, thoughts of school made me feel sick. School didnt turn out so bad.the first day didnt turn out so bad. I just freaked myself wayy too much.. I couldnt care less about the weekends. There wasnt school.school was but a memory like a dream. I am not living in it. (Id like to) Harrriet says i should look up.and LOOK AT PEOPLE when talking to them. i look down too much =( I said i'll try. * i hate myself for having that aspect in my personality. its tiring, dragging, wearing me out i wish to destroy that piece which i cant without destroying myself. i can replace though.. though it has been difficult.guess i'll try.=/ * i feel hoooorrrrrriible in class.(all 3 days of it) felt like vomitting. i felt like my stomach was empty and i had to put something inside it. yet i repulsed at eating. i felt a different degree of sickness when i did eat. so no matter what i did, id still feel sick. i cant feel hungry properly.urgh. i have since given up lunch. what.the.hell. is.wrong.with.me? * i found anais nin by chance while searching joan miro. 'the only abnormality is the incapacity to love' and all of a sudden, for once, my label "weird" felt very alien.for that moment, i had wanted to be one of those disgustingly ordinary, digusting averages YIKES * in class im sitting next to jaclyn only because barely anyone else would. didnt have a choice. i heard from people, like suet bout her.. but im stuck there the whole year. it'll be best to be..good with her. i think she's..okay. she's the kind i can be good with easily, but definately the kind which i absolutely do not foresee even the slightest hope of the possibility of becoming good friends with her because (i guess) she's average, well, to the sense that i dont find her too boring, but i am not interested in anything with relation to her and couldnt care less about her. but i find her not at all difficult to talk to (though for some reason i have been extremely attentive in class, no matter how boring the teacher, and i actually wish i could politely shut her up to hear the teacher properly, instead of being interested in engaging conversations like i used to) * i wonder what id be like if i did fit into the class. at present i am barely able to match the names with the faces of half the class.. (the people are..nice.i am the problem.) * its.. WONKY .. im sitting next to a very much hated girl... also very much disliked by suet and harriet, both of which i do very much like. there's andro..usually as the after school buddy(dont yet know what she thinks of jaclyn) ..and whenever we gotta form groups, jessie yells me over. * im like trapped in my physical form somehow i feel that way i wish i could push my way out and finally strech and breathe out properly. i feel like my ears and mouth and nose and eyes are blocked and i feel stuffed its silent even when its noisy and loud well music releases me..some people too. but when it ends im stuck again.. AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!
1:47 AM
|